Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Lovely, Helping People,

We (K and I) are in need of help. I need help, because our lovely K, light as a feather, K has jumped on and broken my right hand.

But K needs more help than I do. I don’t know the reason, but it looks like she is feelings really rich and charitable. Today, a courier delivery man came to deliver a courier and asked for a pen. So K felt such an intense connection with the man, that she severed all connections between us and snatched the laptop I was using, disconnected the mouse, picked it up, and took it out of the study room to the courier delivery man and started giving it to him.

Therefore, People, please be good to us and help us out.

Btw, I need someone knowledgeable to kindly explain to me how to make a pdf file of the music of Jab We Met. Or if you can't explain to me how to create it, then please explain to K that it cannot be created.

Thank You,
Pearl

P.S. Please do not ask K for any writing material till the matter is sorted, so that I may also be able to get an education. Although I now feel that the pursuit of education ruins you completely.

P.P.S. Another reason why she needs help is because she claims I can only blog in Italian over her dead body, although I am the one who has interacted with Italians longer than her. Actually, she has NEVER met any Italians in her life. And contrary to her claims, she has never even gone to this particular restaurant in Pune, where she claims to have met her Italian spouse. In case you don’t understand any of this, it is all her fault.

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Back to business, Kronicles as usual!

Dear Lovely People of the World,

It's been many years since I have written a post. Let me bring you up to date with all the trauma K has been causing everybody in her vicinity…(If you don't have a strong heart or have very strong mirror emotions, you'd rather not read this)

Firstly, I made the mistake of scoring only 90.15% in my tenth and she's still making me feel bad about it. After that, she and one of my new sisters keep making fun of my college. My college may try to make three people sit on a bench meant for one a half person, it may be located in a galli and may be called Modern, the professors there may love to tell the students about how the college, its professors and students are utterly middle class, when we sit in class, we may hear the whistles of pressure cookers and even sad filmy song, but my college is the nicest college on planet earth. It even gave me books at the beginning of the year so that I now have all my books in duplicate. Btw, if it interests anybody, I am studying a vocational subject (in place of HIndi and Marathi and all that) at Modern and Hep College and will never have to go back to Shark Teeth Marathi teacher type language teachers.

Some time ago, after my college started, when K was bored, we went for a trek to Visapur in August and later we also went to Torna. K also allowed me to read a few novels after my tenth. The monster had actually gone and told shrieky to stop me from reading novels. (Shrieky was my maths teacher who loved to shriek. But unfortunately, she had taught K 8 years before she taught me and has never recovered from the trauma which caused her to be transformed into someone amused by silly things such as shouting at us).

Just in case my English doesn't look(!) good, please don't be very angry with Modern teachers only because they teach us English in Marathi. I guess its my fault I am not being a good student and learning well.

Anyways, the real purpose of this post is to gather sympathy. So let me describe the latest trauma. Read only if you are currently in possession of a pack of tissue papers…which also happens to K's favourite commodity.

K's latest claim is she's bomb blast fighting. And what is she fighting with in reality? Me. In an e-mail, my new/weird sister claims she's at the receiving end of K's gunfire (rubbish). But I am the real tortured soul. I am at the receiving end of K's newly found wisdom…plagiarized wisdom; I am at the end of all the shouting and beating a frustrated monster can humanly manage. I am also at the end where you discover the petrol in your bike suddenly disappears.

She gives me ideas and when I realize them, she berates me and calls me cheap. Is it cheap to misuse the facilities of an engineering college? Is it wrong to not pay for parking in a pay and park? Is it wrong to go park your bike in another college where parking is free for students?

Like her servile wife, I wait till she comes home, so that we can have dinner together and she then gobbles up all the dinner of the world without me!

I need good health to bear the non sense I am subjected to. Therefore, I request all the good people of the world, to please, sincerely make an effort to convince her to take me for a tiny trekky trek. I am like a bird in a cage. The staleness of this post is evidence of the fact that I desperately need to be taken out of this house for some fresh air. Btw, she took me to Bombay last week. Bombay's her idea of fresh and clean air and and nice, peaceful, open environment. The fever has gone away, the cold is almost gone, but the cough still persists. So I need fresh air. It's a medical emergency.

Bombay reminds me, K is named after a dog (female dog) and this time when she was in Bombay, she even met the dog. And seriously, they connected really well. I mean the dog who barked and sniffed at me for ten years, only remote-sniffed K for 30 seconds.

Btw, as I was writing this post, I was exposed to new non sense. I need someone to explain to me how I can "suffocate" her "hand" by lying next to her???

Btw, K claims she's an egg. She should make a public announcement herself, shortly. I only thought I should let you know since you have so nicely and patiently read my post.

Love,
Pearl