Sunday, June 10, 2007

da k learns da knew lingo

I always thought K's English was impeccable. However, after she has started working, her personality has undergone a major metamorphosis. First, she harassed people with her checklist mania. Last week, she even drove me to the extent of tying her hands so that I could get some work done without her interference and her picking up everything I was working with and messing up the whole place. After messing up everything in the name of organistion, she now wants to work on her communication skills. She believes that in "today's world", her communication must be crisp and to the point. So she asked me to tutor her on "chat language". The following is the conversationg we had on orkut.

Btw, she started it all. And we were not more than a foot away from each other. Our computers were even on the same table. But she wants to be tech savvy.

K: Hi Ankita... how u r? M fine nd gd. Enjyn lfe. U 2??

Me: wats up wid u? y r u typin in da cheep langwage sum ppl use in ma scrap buk?
(What's up with you? Why are you typing in the cheap language some people use in my scrap book?)
Btw, in this dialect, block letters don't exist :P

K: Oops... I'm sorry. But I'l still learning.

Me: No you don't sound sorry, or else you would have corrected yourself atleast this time.
oops.. im sory. but il stil learnin.
One more tip:
The only punctuation is the period :P

K: oops.. m sry. bt ill lrn soon. spclly if u tch me prprly.

P.S: Is this better??

Me: No it's not. It's like this:

ps. is tis better..

I told you. Only period. No question or exclamation. The ellipses (two dots here. So maybe they're not ellipses after all :D) are enough to indicate a question.

K: but i dnt wnt 2 lrn sch a crpy lnguge. i cnt undrstnd nethng.

Me:Can you be frugal with the use of the period? Every sentence of your's ends with one? You have no value for anything? Because of peole like you the question marks, the exclamation marks, the vowels are all extinct. Learn to behave yourself. I am disgusted!

K: den wht m i suppsd 2 do wid da perod.. or cn i combne 2 sentncs nd nt ful stp dem nd use preposition 2 indicate new sentences..

Me:Now do you want the consonants to be extinct as well? 'And' can be sufficiently expressed with 'n'. Supposed need not be written with two p's. Since the vowels are on the verge of exticntion, 'the' can be expressed as 'd'.

People like you should be banned from orkut. The punctuation is gone, the vowels are going, now you're about to send the consonants away. Are you working towards the end of all written communication?

K: As a matter of fact, Yes.

K: Btw... I can't get a head or tail of the conversation we've been having. I'm lost. Can we please revert to English?

Me: No no. We must revert "BACK" to English. How can we only revert? Do you want to go only halfway upto English?

After this, the people from the lunatic asylum came to take us away, so we had to abort the conversation and had to flee from our own homes. Our own homes!!!! Besides, we anyways couldn't even understand ourselves.