Precious Pearl

Aaryavir

As I stood on the terrace and stared at the city below me, I couldn’t help feeling awed by the ingenuity that went into making this city work. The wind blew fast and made my hair fly into my face. I closed my eyes and hugged my cup of tea closer as I shivered in the cold. I came here often - the insulated glass shielded me from reality and the sense of defeat reality brought. As I looked at the 134 m tall steel arch that went across the Sydney Harbour, I remembered what had brought me so far from home. It deferred my sense of defeat for a while. It filled me with a sense of purpose and knowledge and made me feel like I mattered.

I always saw the world in black and white – everything was good or bad. I recently learned that the world existed in shades of grey – that we made the best decisions we could with the information we had. Aaryavir showed me more colours. He showed me that colours meant more than good or bad. Aaryavir was red, blue and white – passionate, knowledgeable and focused on building community. I was black – focused on self-preservation, independence and gaining power. I guess that was brought me to Sydney, so far away from home. Aaryavir had asked me where home was. I had been unable to tell him.

The wind became faster, louder and wetter. I felt like it too insisted on the answer. Home was supposed to be Melbourne – where I would return to at the end of the year. It was where there was a physical structure with my name on it. It was where I learned, painstakingly, over a period of three years, to see shades of grey. Home had been Fort Lauderdale, where I learned to become fireproof. Home had been Atlanta where I learned to fall apart. Home had been Pune, where I learned to ignore everything so that I could deal with it 20 years later.

Right now, though, home was supposed to be North of the bridge. That answer quietened the wind. Secretly I thought that South of the bridge felt more like home than the North. South of the bridge was where I could feel Aaryavir’s kind embrace. It was where I could gaze into his green eyes and feel love and affection. This was where he taught me about colours. This was where he showed me that in addition to red, blue and white, he was also green – respectful of the natural order of the world. This was where he showed me that in addition to black, I was also red and blue – driven by passion and knowledge. The wind didn’t seem pleased by my wild thoughts. It decided to become wetter. Even as rain began pouring down on me, I felt warm thinking about Aaryavir. I went inside where it was drier and warmer. As I sat down at my desk, I forgot about the colours and was steeped in black again. I accepted my reality and became one of the many cogs that made this city work.

posted by Pearl @ 8:39 AM