#7
Her name was Rupa and she was on a road trip. She had done this road trip 4 times before, or 6 if you count the one-way drives. That meant she had spent over 84 hours on almost the same combination of interstates and state roads. There were other road trips she had done as many times, but this time, something was different. The roads, even after their untiring spates of construction were the same. But she had changed. This time she had her personal DJ on the trip, and as soon as he figured out how to connect his phone to the rental's bluetooth system, they could stop listening to Bruno Mars on the radio! He wasn't the one who made her different by the way. He was on the trip with her, but this story isn't about him. We just need him to play some music so Rupa can sing her heart out. She knew she didn't sound too good, but didn't care. Singing made her happy. When she sang, she could feel the poet's feelings - the pain, hope, happiness or plan simple randomness that was contained within the song.
As Bruno Mars droned on in the background, she reflected on all her road trips along these roads. The first one was to start a new job after finishing grad school. They told her grad school would be tough, and she thought she could handle everything. But then it broke her down. She thought she had hit rock bottom when she had cried and admitted to another human being that she was finding things difficult. She thought it was her parent's divorce that made things difficult for her, knowing that the night she left for grad school was the last night they lived together in the same house. But then she tried to analyze her feelings some and figured it was the guilt of leaving her mother behind, alone. She was never close to the woman, and let's not get into the why of the matter. She cried through her first semester, thought she lost everything, because this was her only shot at making something of herself and screwing up grad school meant she would never get a real job. She didn't know what she would go back to, where her home was, where her anchor lay. She went home for her winter break, realized how much she didn't want to be home, stuck in her old monotonous job and found the resolve to get through grad school - with or without tears. She did well after that and landed this job, which would be most people's dream job. It might have been hers as well, but she didn't think about these things. Graduating with academic honours wasn't an achievement for her, she knew she was good and expected it. And hence getting that job didn't mean much either. Don't get me wrong, she was grateful for the opportunities it afforded her, but she didn't dwell on how lucky she was.
Her DJ finally connected his phone and she instantly knew the song and started singing along, without half a care in the world about what he or anybody else thought about her voice or about how out of tune she was with the music. Rupa didn't care. The music made her feel, and it had been a while since she had felt something other than pain, guilt, regret, sadness, loneliness, helplessness, claustrophobia or utter desolation. The song was peppy, and she was in a happy mood.
As she drove on, she thought about the other times when she had made this trip - twice to run away from a storm, and once to run into a storm! She didn't know that she was running into a storm, but as she drove on, she found herself hopelessly caught in one - and she was the only one on that interstate chasing her personal storm. But she didn't want to think about that either. She was busy being amused about the first storm! She still found it funny how she drove 643 miles because they ordered a mandatory evacuation, which for most people meant a 2-5 mile road trip! But the trip was worth it. The first time she ran away, she went to live with Ash. Or at least, that was what his friends called him. She showed up with 5 hours lead time, and he was still extremely welcoming. He offered his bedroom to her, saying, "You're a woman and you should feel safe, welcome and comfortable" and took the couch for a week. "Feel free to lock yourself in as long as you like, I have everything I need by my couch". Ash didn't know she was trying to run away from something other than a storm. To be fair, Rupa didn't know either. But she felt safe, comfortable and at home. She didn't lock herself in, but she knew he wouldn't venture in. She slept in late, and Ash had already left for work when she came out of her room. He left her instructions on the options for breakfast and she made herself something nice. His kitchen, like the rest of the house was very clean and well organized and she enjoyed cooking. She was young then, not much of a chef, but in Ash's kitchen, she felt like a professional. He came home for lunch to meet her, made her something nice, and then went right back to work! Rupa was married to her job, but she was a slacker compared to Ash.
As she lounged around the apartment, Rupa realized the next day was Ash's birthday. As she silently hoped everyone back home would be alright, she couldn't help but chuckle at the thought that Andrew had picked an appropriate day to make landfall. Looking back, it's funny she felt like that, because Andrew's devastation was symbolic of the devastation that was about to be unleashed in her life. That day though, she was oblivious, warm, cozy and comfortable. She picked up a cake from somewhere famous and then spent the next 5 hours making Ash's favourite dessert. She didn't do that for most people, but Ash comforted her. He was older, wiser and one of her dearest friends. It's funny how she felt so close to him, because she had barely known him for a few months before she graduated and moved away. But she felt an strong connection to him, probably because she sensed in him the internal struggle that was beginning to brew in her heart around the time she met him. Ash was someone she didn't have to share these feelings with, just knowing he was a part of her life allowed her to feel like she wasn't the only one grappling with internal conflicts.
Rupa respected Ash, a sentiment she rarely felt for most men in her life. And it wasn't just because he was older than her. Ash was fearless and quit a comfortable life to literally go save the earth! She had read about people who gave up everything to save someone or something. Rupa knew why people like Ash did these things. They did it because that was the only way they knew how to deal with their internal struggles - by running away from the monotony of their lives. Saving someone didn't make them feel like heroes. It was how they healed their pain of being left alone to deal with unfair circumstances. It was how they avoided feeling victimized by the events in their past. It was how they exerted control over their fate by controlling it's departure from the normal. Today's road trip was Rupa's attempt at running away from the realities of her life. She thought about running further away as well, quitting her job and going to a remote country with no internet. She knew such a place too. But Rupa knew she would never come back if she went. And so she sang instead.
She sang and went on road trips. Today she turned up the volume, brushed aside the thought of all the meteorological and metaphorical storms in her life and sang her heart out. She knew she'd have a sore throat at the end of her twelve hour drive, but right now, singing felt right. It was all the anchor she needed!
As Bruno Mars droned on in the background, she reflected on all her road trips along these roads. The first one was to start a new job after finishing grad school. They told her grad school would be tough, and she thought she could handle everything. But then it broke her down. She thought she had hit rock bottom when she had cried and admitted to another human being that she was finding things difficult. She thought it was her parent's divorce that made things difficult for her, knowing that the night she left for grad school was the last night they lived together in the same house. But then she tried to analyze her feelings some and figured it was the guilt of leaving her mother behind, alone. She was never close to the woman, and let's not get into the why of the matter. She cried through her first semester, thought she lost everything, because this was her only shot at making something of herself and screwing up grad school meant she would never get a real job. She didn't know what she would go back to, where her home was, where her anchor lay. She went home for her winter break, realized how much she didn't want to be home, stuck in her old monotonous job and found the resolve to get through grad school - with or without tears. She did well after that and landed this job, which would be most people's dream job. It might have been hers as well, but she didn't think about these things. Graduating with academic honours wasn't an achievement for her, she knew she was good and expected it. And hence getting that job didn't mean much either. Don't get me wrong, she was grateful for the opportunities it afforded her, but she didn't dwell on how lucky she was.
Her DJ finally connected his phone and she instantly knew the song and started singing along, without half a care in the world about what he or anybody else thought about her voice or about how out of tune she was with the music. Rupa didn't care. The music made her feel, and it had been a while since she had felt something other than pain, guilt, regret, sadness, loneliness, helplessness, claustrophobia or utter desolation. The song was peppy, and she was in a happy mood.
As she drove on, she thought about the other times when she had made this trip - twice to run away from a storm, and once to run into a storm! She didn't know that she was running into a storm, but as she drove on, she found herself hopelessly caught in one - and she was the only one on that interstate chasing her personal storm. But she didn't want to think about that either. She was busy being amused about the first storm! She still found it funny how she drove 643 miles because they ordered a mandatory evacuation, which for most people meant a 2-5 mile road trip! But the trip was worth it. The first time she ran away, she went to live with Ash. Or at least, that was what his friends called him. She showed up with 5 hours lead time, and he was still extremely welcoming. He offered his bedroom to her, saying, "You're a woman and you should feel safe, welcome and comfortable" and took the couch for a week. "Feel free to lock yourself in as long as you like, I have everything I need by my couch". Ash didn't know she was trying to run away from something other than a storm. To be fair, Rupa didn't know either. But she felt safe, comfortable and at home. She didn't lock herself in, but she knew he wouldn't venture in. She slept in late, and Ash had already left for work when she came out of her room. He left her instructions on the options for breakfast and she made herself something nice. His kitchen, like the rest of the house was very clean and well organized and she enjoyed cooking. She was young then, not much of a chef, but in Ash's kitchen, she felt like a professional. He came home for lunch to meet her, made her something nice, and then went right back to work! Rupa was married to her job, but she was a slacker compared to Ash.
As she lounged around the apartment, Rupa realized the next day was Ash's birthday. As she silently hoped everyone back home would be alright, she couldn't help but chuckle at the thought that Andrew had picked an appropriate day to make landfall. Looking back, it's funny she felt like that, because Andrew's devastation was symbolic of the devastation that was about to be unleashed in her life. That day though, she was oblivious, warm, cozy and comfortable. She picked up a cake from somewhere famous and then spent the next 5 hours making Ash's favourite dessert. She didn't do that for most people, but Ash comforted her. He was older, wiser and one of her dearest friends. It's funny how she felt so close to him, because she had barely known him for a few months before she graduated and moved away. But she felt an strong connection to him, probably because she sensed in him the internal struggle that was beginning to brew in her heart around the time she met him. Ash was someone she didn't have to share these feelings with, just knowing he was a part of her life allowed her to feel like she wasn't the only one grappling with internal conflicts.
Rupa respected Ash, a sentiment she rarely felt for most men in her life. And it wasn't just because he was older than her. Ash was fearless and quit a comfortable life to literally go save the earth! She had read about people who gave up everything to save someone or something. Rupa knew why people like Ash did these things. They did it because that was the only way they knew how to deal with their internal struggles - by running away from the monotony of their lives. Saving someone didn't make them feel like heroes. It was how they healed their pain of being left alone to deal with unfair circumstances. It was how they avoided feeling victimized by the events in their past. It was how they exerted control over their fate by controlling it's departure from the normal. Today's road trip was Rupa's attempt at running away from the realities of her life. She thought about running further away as well, quitting her job and going to a remote country with no internet. She knew such a place too. But Rupa knew she would never come back if she went. And so she sang instead.
She sang and went on road trips. Today she turned up the volume, brushed aside the thought of all the meteorological and metaphorical storms in her life and sang her heart out. She knew she'd have a sore throat at the end of her twelve hour drive, but right now, singing felt right. It was all the anchor she needed!
posted by Pearl @ 1:22 PM
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